A half hour drama for kids about a boy who thinks money will solve his problems. He finds a get rich quick scheme on the internet that claims he can be a millionaire in 27 simple steps.
This is my antidote to all of the writing for childrens television that thinks it has to be relentlessly frenetic in order to hold a child's attention. I'm very please with this one. Here is the complete script...
STUPID RICH REAL QUICK
1A. EXT. YENOM HIGH SCHOOL - HOME TIME.
An inner city school. The home time bell rings.
FADE TO:
1B. EXT. YENOM HIGH SCHOOL - HOME TIME.
It’s a few minutes on and the school is disgorging its students. As the CAMERA finds JEZ, a scrawny and slightly scruffy 11-year-old boy, MUSIC begins (an instrumental version of ’Flyswatter’ by Eels), playing over the opening titles and the following scenes. While everybody else seems to be in pairs and small groups he is on his own. We go with him on his after school walk...
CUT TO:
2. EXT. VARIOUS INNER CITY LOCATIONS - LATE AFTERNOON.
JEZ is a lone kid with nowhere he needs to get to with any particular urgency. We see him in various locations about the city as he presumably makes his way home. He’s taking his time, looking at anything vaguely interesting along the way, finding ways to divert himself from his boredom and loneliness. He cuts a small and slightly pathetic figure, eyeing the easy camaraderie of other homeward bound kids with sullen envy. When he encounters scenes of affluence he is very much the outsider looking in. When he finds scenes of urban decay he looks like a natural part of the environment, utilizes bits of junk as toys, sees patches of waste ground as the settings of epic adventures. On a patch of ‘un-regenerated’ dockland he sits on the edge of a canal tossing stones into the water. Something catches his eye on the ground beside him: a penny. He nudges it with a finger, seems to be mesmerised by it for a few moments, but he stands and walks on, leaving it behind.
CUT TO:
3. EXT. NEWSAGENT - LATE AFTERNOON.
He gazes in the window of a newsagent before deciding to go inside.
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4. INT. NEWSAGENT - LATE AFTERNOON.
JEZ picks magazines off the racks, seemingly at random, flicks through them listlessly, replaces them. As he does this with one magazine a colourful card drops out and falls to the floor. He looks down. It’s lying on the floor by his foot. It’s a set of free scratch cards promising the possibility of winning big money. Checking that he isn’t observed he puts the magazine back on the rack, bends and picks up the scratch cards, slips them surreptitiously into his pocket and leaves the shop.
CUT TO:
5. EXT. A TRAIN TRACK - EARLY EVENING.
JEZ making his way home, trying to balance on one side of the track.
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6. EXT. THE BACK GARDENS OF MULLER TERRACE - EARLY EVENING.
MUSIC fades. JEZ arrives home at last and walks through the gate into the back garden. On the left, as we look up the path to the house, is a tall fence. JEZ pulls himself up so that he can look over the top of the fence at his neighbour’s garden. It is a landscaped affair with a patio and conservatory. It’s clearly had a significant amount of money lavished on it. JEZ glowers at it, then turns to glower at his own garden, which is scruffy and unloved. On the right side is a low brick wall. GRANNY MOMMAN, a sweet old dear, is pottering about in her own understated, but well tended, garden. She is watching JEZ.
GRANNY MOMMAN
(sotto voce)
Hey! Jez! What are you doing? Is the grass greener over there?
JEZ jumps down and walks over to her.
JEZ
Hello, Mrs. Momman.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Hey, you can call me Granny Momman.
JEZ
Hello, Granny Momman.
GRANNY MOMMAN
That’s more like it. So how’s their garden looking?
JEZ
(scowling)
You’d think they’d have the good manners to move somewhere else.
This tickles GRANNY MOMMAN.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Because they won a bit of money on the Lottery? Won’t you spare them some mercy, my lovely?
JEZ grimaces. Then he notices something. There’s a penny lying on the ground. He picks it up. It has a spot of yellow paint on it.
JEZ
(brandishing the penny)
When I’ve won a fortune I’ll move straight away from here. Just you wait.
JEZ takes the stolen scratch cards from his pocket and shows them to GRANNY MAMMON. Then he lays them down on the top of the low wall and starts to scratch at the silver boxes with the penny.
GRANNY MOMMAN
You haven’t been throwing your money away on those things, have you?
JEZ
Ha hah! I didn’t need to. They were free in a magazine.
GRANNY MOMMAN rolls her eyes but JEZ is too busy to notice. Suddenly he stops, his mouth falling open in surprise.
JEZ
I’ve won! I’ve actually won!
GRANNY MOMMAN
Don’t be silly, dear.
JEZ
No, I really have! Take a look.
JEZ holds the card out to GRANNY MOMMAN but then retracts it, suspicious suddenly.
JEZ
You won’t pinch it, will you?
GRANNY MOMMAN looks at him as though he is a rare flower growing in a surprising place.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Oh, you sweet darling. Don’t you know how those things work?
JEZ
Yeah, of course I do. You scratch the silver bit off...
GRANNY MOMMAN
Listen to me. You think companies that are in the business of making money for themselves just print free scratch cards so that they can give money to you?
JEZ
It says I’ve won. They have to give me the prize. It’s the law.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Jez, think! I know you’ve got a good brain. That scratch card cost money to print. What’s in it for the company? What do they get out of it? Because there must be something. Their whole purpose in life is to get more money back than they give out. The only way they can get money from people with so-called free scratch cards is by making them believe that they’ve won. Every single person who scratches the silver off thinks they’ve won. Read the small print and see how much it costs to phone up and find out whether you’ve won the worthless travel vouchers or the top cash prize. See if the penny begins to drop.
JEZ reluctantly deflates.
GRANNY MOMMAN
I’m not saying it to upset you, sweetheart. I just want you to see how it is.
GRANNY MOMMAN pats his shoulder and then goes indoors. JEZ crouches down, his back against the wall and he studies the small print on the scratch card.
CUT TO:
7A. INT. THE KITCHEN - EVENING.
The kitchen is a dingy sort of experience. A dejected JEZ walks in from outside. He throws the scratch card into the pedal bin and stands there, looking around himself, feeling sad.
FADE TO:
7B. INT. THE KITCHEN - EVENING.
JEZ making his own dinner - beans on toast and a mug of tea on a tray. He pours the beans from the saucepan onto his toast and carries the tray out of the room.
CUT TO:
8A. INT. THE LIVING ROOM - EVENING.
The living room isn’t much better than the kitchen in terms of ambience. JEZ eats his beans on toast in silence.
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8B. INT. THE LIVING ROOM - EVENING.
JEZ browses the DVD titles on a shelf and selects a horror film that is distinctly inappropriate for his age.
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8C. INT. THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT.
CLOSE on JEZ as he watches his horror film, his face lit by the TV. From the sounds coming from the television it is clear something quite dreadful is happening in the film, but JEZ watches with a desensitized lack of excitement.
FADE TO:
8D. INT. THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT.
The DVD screensaver is floating around the TV screen. JEZ has fallen asleep on the sofa but rouses at the sounds of JEZ’S MUM arriving home from her office job. JEZ’S MUM is 29 years old, dim and needy, tends to talk in an irritating, childlike tone. She enters the room, puts her bags on the floor behind the sofa and leans over the back of it to touch JEZ’s hair.
JEZ’S MUM
Hello, sleepy. You alright?
JEZ
Hiya.
JEZ’S MUM
Hey, I’ve got you a present. Are you in the mood for a present?
JEZ
Yeah! What is it?
JEZ’S MUM
It’s a blooming big one, I can tell you.
JEZ’S MUM begins to lift something from behind the sofa, but then thinks twice about it and pauses.
JEZ’S MUM
Now this is an early birthday present, okay? You can have it now, but you have to promise to remember when your birthday comes around that you’ve already had it. Is that a deal?
JEZ
Yeah, yeah, I’ll remember.
Satisfied, JEZ’S MUM lifts the object over the back of the sofa. It’s a laptop case. JEZ sucks his breath in and holds it, not wanting to jinx the moment. He slowly takes the case, opens it and pulls out the laptop that is inside.
JEZ
No way!
JEZ’S MUM
Is it a good one?
JEZ
It’s amazing! Totally amazing.
JEZ’S MUM
I thought you’d like it.
JEZ
Where’s the box and everything?
JEZ’S MUM
Oh, well, you know, it’s second hand. I got it from Frog. It’s thingy...reconditioned - that’s it. It’ll do for you though, won’t it?
JEZ
Reconditioned? You mean: reconditioned as in stolen?
JEZ’S MUM fidgets uncomfortably.
JEZ’S MUM
Well, it might be a little bit.
JEZ puts the laptop to one side and hugs his mum.
JEZ
I love it. It’s the best. Thanks, mum.
JEZ’S MUM hugs him back, sighing with relief.
JEZ’S MUM
Yay.
CUT TO:
9. INT. JEZ’S BEDROOM - NIGHT.
JEZ is sitting cross-legged on his bed using the laptop. We watch as he runs a search for wireless connections. The computer only detects one network. It’s called ‘BigBucks’, but when he tries to activate it he is prompted for a password. He growls with frustration. Flopping onto his back he scowls at the ceiling.
CUT TO:
10. EXT. MULLER TERRACE - MORNING.
JEZ emerges from his house ready for school. Closing the door behind him he leans back against it and looks at his watch. He waits for a couple of beats, then the door on the right opens and a boy, FREDDY, emerges. FREDDY is much like JEZ, wearing the same school uniform, but he’s smarter and more confident. He sets off up the street and JEZ rushes to catch up with him.
JEZ
Freddy! How’s it going?
FREDDY
(unenthusiastic)
Oh, Jez, hiya. What’s up?
JEZ
I need a favour from you.
FREDDY
Oh, that’s a shame. Never mind though. Better luck next time.
JEZ
You’ve got to tell me what the password is for your wireless.
FREDDY
Oh yeah, I’m sure I do. I mean, I’ve only just spent five days downloading series 3 and 4 of Chunky Monkey Attack Squad. What I need most of all is you sucking up all of my broadband. It’s obvious really. Thanks.
JEZ
Come on, Freddy - I really need it.
FREDDY
Not nearly enough my friend. And you’re not my friend by the way.
JEZ
I do. I need it more than enough.
FREDDY
Ha! You’d have to beg me to the point of pure humiliation first.
JEZ
I can do that. I’ll do it now.
FREDDY stops walking and looks at Jez, sensing the possibilities. He glances around at the street.
FREDDY
Not here. It’s not humiliating enough.
CUT TO:
11. EXT. YENOM SCHOOL YARD - MORNING.
FREDDY is holding a slip of paper while JEZ kneels on the ground before him. A growing number of pupils are gathering around to watch. There’s a good deal of derisive laughter.
JEZ
(hands held together as though in prayer)
Please, oh mighty Freddy, I beg you for your password because I am a worthless stripe in the underpants of life.
Raucous laughter from the assembled STUDENTS. FREDDY is overjoyed. He dangles the slip of paper, taunting Jez.
FREDDY
Okay, now I want you to pretend to be a little puppy.
JEZ
What?
FREDDY
A little puppy, wagging his tail to please me. Go on!
FREDDY flourishes the slip of paper. Reluctantly JEZ begins to pretend to be a puppy, yipping and wagging his tail. The gathered students nearly go hysterical with joy.
FREDDY
(to whoever is standing next to him)
This is too delicious. What else can we make him do?
JEZ continues his puppy impersonation as the derision continues.
CUT TO:
12. EXT. YENOM HIGH SCHOOL - HOME TIME.
CAMERA finds Jez as he heads off home. It’s the same shot in which we first saw him. As he passes a GROUP OF STUDENTS they all begin to yip at him like a puppy, and then laugh hysterically. JEZ ducks his head, miserable.
CUT TO:
13. INT. JEZ’S BEDROOM - EARLY EVENING.
JEZ is sitting in front of his laptop. He is ready to type in the password for the BigBucks network. He takes out the slip of paper that Freddy had been taunting him with. The password on the paper is: ‘FilthyLucre’. JEZ enters the password. CLOSE on his face as it lights up with joy.
JEZ
Yes!
He browses to Google and types “get rich quick” into the search box. The title of the first listed site at the top of the results page says: ‘STUPID RICH REAL QUICK - The only guaranteed way to become a millionaire in 27 simple steps’. CLOSE on JEZ’s face as he follows the link and reads, his expression intense, his eyes growing wide.
FADE TO:
14. INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
EXTREME CLOSE UP on a penny. It has a spot of yellow paint on it (it’s the penny Jez found in the garden). The penny is standing on a desktop, a fingertip presses down on the top of it preventing it from falling over. A second fingertip flicks it so that it spins. CAMERA PULLS BACK. JEZ sits, watching the spinning coin. FREDDY walks up and sits opposite JEZ.
FREDDY
Hey, how’s my favourite puppy?
JEZ
What would you do for a million pounds?
FREDDY
Pretty much anything.
JEZ
Murder? Steal? Betray a friend?
FREDDY
Yeah, no worries.
JEZ
Huh.
FREDDY
(sneering)
Why? Have you got a million pounds worth of lunch money?
JEZ
What would you sell for a penny?
FREDDY
Nothing. A penny isn’t worth having. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.
JEZ
There must be something.
FREDDY
I’ve got some fluff in my bellybutton. You could have that for a penny.
FREDDY thinks he is being funny and is quite pleased.
JEZ
Done!
FREDDY
What?
JEZ
I’ll give you a penny for your bellybutton fluff.
FREDDY looks at him deadpan, then begins to untuck his shirt from his trousers.
CUT TO:
15. INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY.
CAMERA PANS along the corridor, keeping pace with two SCHOOLGIRLS who are chatting as they head to class. JEZ is leaning against a wall waiting. As they draw near he holds up a white envelope.
JEZ
Hey, girls! Do you want to buy some of Freddy’s bellybutton fluff? It’s only 2p.
The SCHOOLGIRLS halt, employing predictable expressions of disbelief.
SCHOOLGIRL 1
Did you just say what I think you just said?
JEZ
(nodding and holding up the envelope again)
Freddy’s bellybutton fluff. 2p.
SCHOOLGIRL 2
That’s disgusting.
JEZ
I know. You’re right. But...[BEAT]...it’s only 2p.
The GIRLS stare at the envelope with a morbid fascination. JEZ moves it back and forth so their eyes follow it.
SCHOOLGIRL 1
How...how do we know it’s really his?
JEZ smiles a big broad smile. He knows he’s got them.
CUT TO:
16. EXT. THE BACKGARDENS OF MULLER TERRACE - EARLY EVENING.
GRANNY MOMMAN, as seen from JEZ’s side of the wall, pottering about, pruning things and what have you. JEZ walks into shot on his side of the wall.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Oh, hello, love.
JEZ
Granny Momman, what would you be willing to do for a million pounds?
GRANNY MOMMAN
Well, I don’t know. What are you suggesting?
JEZ
Murder?
GRANNY MOMMAN
No.
JEZ
Stealing?
GRANNY MOMMAN
No.
JEZ
Betraying a friend?
GRANNY MOMMAN
No.
JEZ
Huh. You wouldn’t do much, would you?
He walks away, out of shot, thoughtful.
GRANNY MOMMAN
(calling after him)
I’m willing to knit for money!
CUT TO:
17. INT. THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT.
JEZ and JEZ’S MUM are sitting side by side on the sofa, their faces lit up by the TV screen as they watch some quiz show. They’re slumped. They’ve clearly been there quite some time.
JEZ
Mum?
JEZ’S MUM
Yes, sweet?
JEZ
What would you be willing to do for a million pounds?
JEZ’S MUM
Oh, I like that question. I’m always thinking about it. I’d steal, but I wouldn’t murder.
JEZ considers this sleepily.
JEZ
Would you betray a friend?
She thinks about it seriously.
JEZ’S MUM
Yeah, I think so.
JEZ
Oh. Okay.
They carry on watching their quiz show. Somebody has just failed to win a large amount of money and the audience groans with dismay. JEZ’S MUM’s face twists in sympathy.
FADE TO:
18. EXT. THE BACKGARDENS OF MULLER TERRACE - DAY
GRANNY MOMMAN comes out into her garden. Some time has clearly passed because it is not nearly so green, and many blooms have disappeared. She touches the withered flowers of one bush, clearly in a reflective mood. JEZ appears on the other side of the wall.
JEZ
Hey, Granny.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Oh, hello, Jez.
She walks over to him.
GRANNY MOMMAN
So, what’s happening in the world of the young people?
JEZ
I need your help.
She’s mildly surprised.
GRANNY MOMMAN
You do? Well, it’s nice to be needed.
JEZ
I’m on step 13 to becoming a millionaire. I just need to get to step 27.
GRANNY MOMMAN gives him a look of well meaning incomprehension.
JEZ
There’s one guaranteed way to become a millionaire from having nothing, but you have to complete all 27 steps, yeah? The first step is to find a penny, like I did just here. You buy something with it and then sell it for twice as much...2p, yeah?
GRANNY MOMMAN
Thank you for working out the maths for me.
JEZ
Step 2 - you buy something with your 2p and sell it for 4p. Yeah? If you keep doing that, buying and selling, by step 27 you’re a millionaire. It’s that simple.
GRANNY MOMMAN gives him the most beatific and loving look.
GRANNY MOMMAN
You’re such a sweetheart, Jez.
JEZ doesn’t quite know what to make of this.
JEZ
Will you help me?
GRANNY MOMMAN
How would I help, exactly?
JEZ
I’m already up to step 13. I’ve got £40.96 and I need to turn it into £81.92. Have you got a spare bank account you don’t use for much?
GRANNY MOMMAN
(with suspicion)
Yeeeesss...
JEZ
If I could borrow it for a bit, put my money in it and use your details, I can buy and sell stuff through the internet. That means when I get into the big money I won’t have to deal in cash.
GRANNY MOMMAN is still and thoughtful for a while. JEZ waits.
GRANNY MOMMAN
You do know, don’t you, Jez, that all of this money you’re lusting after - even if you did get it - it won’t make you happy?
JEZ doesn’t know what to say.
GRANNY MOMMAN
It won’t buy you any friends, you know. Not real ones anyway.
JEZ thinks about this and then shrugs.
JEZ
So, I’ll be unhappy...and I won’t have any friends...just a lot of money...[BEAT]...how’s that worse than how I am now?
This touches GRANNY MOMMAN and she comes close to tears. She beckons him towards her.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Come here.
He steps forward and she hugs him over the wall. When she releases him he has to wipe away a tear of his own.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Oh, Jez.
CUT TO:
19. INT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S KITCHEN - EVENING.
EXTREME CLOSE UP, ANGLED DIRECTLY DOWN on a mug as it is filled with hot chocolate. It is stirred and chocolate powder is sprinkled on top. JEZ is sitting at the kitchen table. GRANNY MOMMAN gives him the mug of hot chocolate. She has made one for herself too, and she sits opposite him.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Friends come and go quickly when you’re young.
JEZ
Not for me.
GRANNY MOMMAN
You’ll have your time. You might not believe me right now, but I’m not old for nothing. I’ve seen enough. All things change.
JEZ looks skeptical.
GRANNY MOMMAN
It’s when you get to my age that your friends really start to disappear.
JEZ
Haven’t you got any left?
GRANNY MOMMAN
My best friend is still alive. But she’s the last one...and she moved to Florida a long time ago.
JEZ wasn’t expecting to find out information like this. It makes him thoughtful.
JEZ
(unsure of himself)
Oh. I didn’t realise.
GRANNY MOMMAN smiles and shrugs.
GRANNY MOMMAN
We’re not here to learn how to get what we want. We’re here to learn how to know what we’ve got already.
JEZ
I already know what I’ve got.
GRANNY MOMMAN
(With a sigh)
No, Jez, you don’t. Not even close.
JEZ crinkles his eyes as he tries to fathom her cryptic words.
FADE TO:
20. EXT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S FRONT DOOR - MORNING.
A small delivery van pulls up. The DELIVERY DRIVER takes a large box out of the van and brings it to Granny Momman’s door where he rings the bell. GRANNY MOMMAN opens the door.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Hello.
DELIVERY DRIVER
Morning. Sign on the line?
GRANNY MOMMAN signs for the delivery.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Is it heavy?
DELIVERY DRIVER
Shall I bring it in for you?
GRANNY MOMMAN
Would you? Thank you.
The DELIVERY DRIVER takes the box inside.
CUT TO:
21. INT. JEZ’S BEDROOM - MORNING.
JEZ is sitting at his laptop, working away. His mobile phone rings and he answers it.
JEZ
Hi, Granny...it’s arrived? That was quick. I’ll be right over.
JEZ ends the call, picks up a cheap digital camera from his desk, checks it has power, and goes to the door. There is a film poster stuck to the door (Danny Boyle’s ‘Millions’). JEZ lifts the bottom of the poster up (it’s only stuck with blu-tac at the top) revealing a handmade chart taped to the door. The chart marks his progress along the 27 steps. Step 13 reads:
Step 13 - Complete Collection of Chunky Monkey Attack Squad on DVD bought for £40.96 sold for £81.92.
JEZ puts a big tick next to £40.96 and walks out.
CUT TO:
22. INT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S LIVING ROOM - DAY.
JEZ has arranged the Chunky Monkey Attack Squad DVDs into a photo shoot. He places the final DVD case to his satisfaction and lines up the shot with his camera while GRANNY MOMMAN watches on.
GRANNY MOMMAN
It’s not that I want to be negative about your scheme to take over the world, but nobody in their right mind is going to pay eighty pounds for a bunch of cartoons.
JEZ takes the shot and looks up at her without expression.
CUT TO:
23. EXT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S FRONT DOOR - MORNING.
The DELIVERY DRIVER is standing at GRANNY MOMMAN’s front door again with another box. He’s ringing the bell. GRANNY MOMMAN opens the door.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Hello, love. Sign on the line, is it?
DELIVERY DRIVER
Please.
GRANNY MOMMAN
(eyeing the box as she signs)
They’re getting heavier, aren’t they?
CUT TO:
24. INT. JEZ’S BEDROOM - MORNING.
JEZ is talking into his mobile phone.
JEZ
Thanks, Granny, I’ll be right there.
JEZ is pleased. He’s humming “If I Was a Rich Man” to himself. He ends the call and picks up his camera. We see him put a tick on his secret chart but this time we don’t get to see the chart itself, so don’t know which step he is now on.
CUT TO:
25. EXT. THE FRONT DOORS OF GRANNY, JEZ AND FREDDY - DAY
JEZ comes out of his front door, still in a good mood, still humming, just as FREDDY arrives home. Without noticing FREDDY, JEZ saunters, with a spring in his step, to GRANNY MOMMAN’s front door and raps on it with cheerful knuckles. FREDDY watches, eyes narrowed with curiosity. GRANNY MOMMAN opens the door.
GRANNY MOMMAN
There he is: Mr. Moneybags himself! In you come, sir.
JEZ
Thank you, my good woman.
JEZ goes inside and the door closes. FREDDY sidles along the pavement, checks up and down the street to make sure nobody is about and peers through Granny Momman’s front window.
26. INT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S LIVING ROOM - DAY.
Another photo shoot. This time JEZ is photographing a small piece of abstract sculpture as GRANNY watches.
GRANNY MOMMAN
So, which step are you onto now? I’ve lost count.
JEZ
You’ll know when I reach step 27 because I’ll be buying you a ticket to Florida.
JEZ takes the shot.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Well, I should hope so too.
JEZ smiles up at her and she tousles his hair affectionately.
GRANNY MOMMAN
(indicating the statue)
Hey, how do you find out about this stuff, anyway? How do you know somebody’s going to want that thing?
JEZ
This is the Information Age, Granny. You can find out anything you need to know as long as Freddy and his broadband are just next door.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Oh, so you’re glad he didn’t move away after all, are you?
JEZ
I’ll be the one moving away. As soon as I get to step 27 - Florida for you, a nice new house for me and mum. I’ll never have to think about Freddy and his bellybutton fluff again.
GRANNY MOMMAN chuckles and then does a double take.
GRANNY MOMMAN
I beg your pardon? Bellybutton fluff?
We see FREDDY’s face at the corner of the window, peering in, unnoticed.
JEZ (O.S.)
It’s best if I don’t tell you, Granny - you’re too innocent. But if you only knew the things I’ve done for money, it would curdle the milk in your tea.
CUT TO:
27. EXT. SHOTS OF JEZ’S PART OF THE CITY - SUNRISE.
The city is quiet, not properly awake yet, just the occasional cat and early riser enjoying the peace. It’s going to be a lovely day.
CUT TO:
28. INT. JEZ’S BEDROOM - MORNING.
CLOSE ON JEZ’s sleeping face. After a couple of beats his eyes click open. He’s feeling very calm, very awake, completely self possessed. He gets up, stands there in the middle of the room and looks at his laptop. He has left it on through the night. The screensaver is on. He wants to go to it, but he’s reluctant too. He distracts himself by looking at things in his room. He looks out of the window. He takes a deep breath.
JEZ
(To himself)
Come on. Come on.
He goes to the laptop and sits in front of it. He touches the mouse and the screensaver disappears revealing a page showing the ebay account he created using Granny Momman’s details. CLOSE ON the laptop screen: he has sold some antique for £1,200,000. JEZ’s jaw drops open. BEAT.
CUT TO:
29. INT. JEZ’S MUM’S BEDROOM - MORNING.
JEZ’s MUM is sleeping when she is suddenly and rudely awoken by the sound of Jez screaming for joy in the next room.
JEZ (O.S.)
I did it! I did it!
More screams of delight while JEZ’S MUM looks about herself in confusion.
CUT TO:
30. INT. FREDDY’S BEDROOM - MORNING.
FREDDY is in bed. He lifts himself onto his elbows, sleepy and grumpy, clearly disturbed by the ongoing sounds of JEZ’s joy coming from next door.
JEZ (O.S.)
I did it! I did it! I’m the king of the world! Suck it up, Freddy!
CUT TO:
31. INT. JEZ’S LANDING - MORNING.
JEZ’S MUM emerges from her room wearing a dressing gown. She heads for Jez’s door. She’s angry.
JEZ’S MUM
(shouting)
Jez! What the hell’s going on?
JEZ bursts from his room halfway through pulling the last of his clothes on. He throws his arms around his mum.
JEZ
I’ve done it, Mum! I’ve done it!
JEZ’S MUM
What? What is it? What have you done?
JEZ
I’m not gonna tell you. Not yet. You’ll have to wait ‘til I get home from school.
JEZ’S MUM
Now listen here, young man. I do not like being woken up in the morning when I’m on late shifts.
JEZ
I don’t care.
JEZ’S MUM
I beg your pardon!
JEZ
I’ve got to go and tell Granny.
JEZ lets go of her and runs down the stairs.
JEZ’S MUM
Hey! Get right back here this instant. You’re in trouble!
JEZ (O.S.)
I still don’t care! Love you, Mum!
CUT TO:
32. EXT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S FRONT DOOR - MORNING.
JEZ bursts from his own front door and runs to GRANNY MOMMAN’s door and starts to bang on it.
JEZ
Granny Momman!
CUT TO:
33. INT. JEZ’S LANDING - MORNING.
JEZ’S MUM is still standing on the landing, not knowing whether to be angry or confused.
JEZ’S MUM
(sullenly, to herself)
Why does she get to hear about it?
She looks at the door to Jez’s room through narrowed eyes. She walks towards it and pushes it open. With a guilty glance behind her she walks in.
CUT TO:
34. INT. JEZ’S BEDROOM - MORNING.
JEZ’S MUM is on the lookout for a clue to her son’s behaviour. She sees the laptop but the screensaver is on again. She reaches out a hand but doesn’t feel confident and retracts it again. She pokes about the things on his desk but there doesn’t seem to be anything incriminating. She stands in the middle of the room at a loss. She lets out a deep breath, defeated. Behind her the blu-tac holding one of the corners of Jez’s poster to his door gives way and the poster swings down to one side. This makes a sound and JEZ’S MUM turns to look at it. Now part of his handmade chart is visible and she walks over to investigate. She pulls the poster away and studies the chart. From bellybutton fluff to rare antiques, it’s all there, each item with its own tick. She screws her face up, unwilling to believe it.
JEZ’S MUM
Nah.
But she’s unsure. She turns and gives the laptop a wary glare. Stepping over to it she sits down before it and reaches out hesitantly, still not sure what she can safely touch. She decides to move the mouse. The screensaver disappears and the ebay page is revealed. CLOSE on JEZ’S MUM’s face as she begins to believe.
CUT TO:
35. INT. GRANNY MOMMAN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING.
GRANNY MOMMAN and JEZ are hugging as they jump up and down, spin around and generally celebrate.
GRANNY MOMMAN
I can’t believe you did it! I never thought you’d really do it!
JEZ
I’m sad that you doubted me, Granny Momman.
GRANNY MOMMAN
I really get to go to Florida?
JEZ
Yes. You do. And I get to go to school and tell everybody exactly what I think of them!
GRANNY MOMMAN
Hey, come on. You can be bigger than that.
JEZ
No! I don’t want to be. I want to tell them what a bunch of losers they all are.
GRANNY MOMMAN sobers up.
GRANNY MOMMAN
Well, Jez, I can certainly understand why you might feel like that. But if you’ll take a little advice from a well meaning friend: I wouldn’t be too eager to run around advertising your new found wealth to all and sundry. There’ll be folk queueing around the corner for a chance to help relieve you of it.
JEZ
(exasperated)
But I want to. I want to rub their noses in it.
GRANNY MOMMAN
I know you do. And perhaps they deserve it.
JEZ
No perhaps about it.
GRANNY MOMMAN
But you’ll be heading for trouble. And there’s no need to go looking for trouble now, is there? You’ve won! You’ve won already!
She squeezes his shoulder encouragingly and he breaks out a big smile.
JEZ
I have, haven’t I?
GRANNY MOMMAN nods.
GRANNY MOMMAN
You betcha!
CUT TO:
36. EXT. ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL - MORNING.
JEZ is walking along, head held high, a big smile on his face. Other PUPILS on their way to school seem to take notice of him as he passes, as if it’s the first time they’ve really seen him. He passes FREDDY and a couple of BOYS. FREDDY watches after him for a few moments. He’s frowning. He doesn’t like this new Jez. FREDDY pulls the two BOYS in close to him and whispers some dark plot to them. They cast moody glances after JEZ.
CUT TO:
37. INT. SCHOOL CANTEEN - LUNCHTIME.
JEZ is eating his lunch. He has a table to himself. SANDRA steps up, carrying her own lunch on a tray. SANDRA is very pretty, one of the popular girls.
SANDRA
Hi, Jez. (Indicating the seat opposite him) Do you mind if I sit here?
JEZ thinks about it. He’s very self possessed. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he feels impervious to harm.
JEZ
Yeah, sure, Sandra.
JEZ watches SANDRA carefully as she takes her seat and leans forward towards him.
SANDRA
So, Jez...what’s going on? Everybody’s noticed the change in you. Something good’s happened to you, hasn’t it? Something very good.
JEZ feels a huge, happy urge to blurt it all out and has to suppress it.
JEZ
I’m not saying. You can’t make me talk.
SANDRA
Oh, Jez...isn’t there anyway I can persuade you?
JEZ
(sincerely)
Wow, Sandra...you’re so beautiful.
SANDRA
(lighting up)
Aww, Jez!
JEZ
Are you working for Freddy?
SANDRA instinctively mugs innocence but JEZ stands up and looks around until he spots FREDDY on the far side of the canteen. FREDDY and his two BOYS are watching. JEZ holds his arms out.
JEZ
(raised voice)
It’s no good, Freddy! Nice try though.
JEZ sits down in irrepressible good spirits and winks at SANDRA. Freddy and his BOYS scowl amongst themselves while the rest of the canteen wonders what all that was about.
CUT TO:
38. EXT. YENOM HIGH SCHOOL - HOME TIME.
JEZ is making his way home still in high spirits. FREDDY and his two BOYS appear out of nowhere and press JEZ against a wall. JEZ is half terrified, half jubilant.
FREDDY
Okay, Jez, give it up! We’re your new business partners now.
JEZ
Hi, Freddy. How you doing?
FREDDY
We want in on the action and we’re not taking no for an answer.
JEZ
Er, and what am I supposed to do now?
FREDDY
We want sixty percent.
JEZ
(slyly amused)
Sixty percent? You don’t even know how much it is, do you?
FREDDY
We’ll find out easily enough. You don’t want to mess with us.
JEZ
You don’t get it, do you? You can’t touch me. How much do you think I’ve made? A couple of hundred? A thousand?
FREDDY
You tell me.
JEZ
I’ve made a million quid, you idiots! Yeah? You get that? A million! What am I supposed to do now: take you to a cash machine and get your six hundred thousand out? That’s gonna work, isn’t it?
FREDDY
You liar! There’s no way you’ve made that much!
JEZ
Hey, I can’t even be bothered arguing with you. Come on, beat me up. I don’t even care! Come on, lads, do your worst! But you’d better be careful, mind. Because tomorrow I’ll pay for someone to sort you all out, and you can bet you’ll know you’ve been sorted. So come on, what are you waiting for?
FREDDY and the BOYS are now suffering from a lack of confidence.
FREDDY
Have you really made that much?
JEZ starts to laugh. He’s almost hysterical. FREDDY and his BOYS look at each other unhappily.
CUT TO:
39. INT. JEZ’S KITCHEN - EARLY EVENING.
JEZ’S MUM is sitting at the kitchen table, smoking and waiting, looking serious. She hears JEZ walking up the garden path whistling “If I Was a Rich Man”. He enters.
JEZ
Mum, you’re home! Hey, are you ready? Are you ready to find out what your son has done?
JEZ’S MUM
I already know what you’ve done.
JEZ
What do you mean?
JEZ’S MUM
I went in your room. I saw that chart thing you made. I looked on your laptop. I know all about it.
JEZ is puzzled by her mood.
JEZ
So, it’s great, isn’t it? We can buy a new house - go and live somewhere nice. Aren’t you happy?
JEZ’S MUM
I’ll be happy if we don’t end up in prison! Jez, you’re not allowed to do things like that...you’re too young!
JEZ
Relax, Mum. I haven’t done anything wrong.
JEZ’S MUM
Jez! You really think they’ll let you keep all that money?
JEZ
“They?” Who’s “They”?
JEZ’S MUM
The police! The government! You’re a child. You’re my child. Nobody’s going to let you have that much money until you’re grown up. You don’t even have a savings account. I’m going to have to look after it for you, pretend it’s mine, until you’re old enough.
JEZ
Mum, we need to put it into your account anyway. I was always going to do that...so we can buy a new house.
JEZ’S MUM
A new house? What do we need a new house for? This one’s fine.
JEZ
Mum, you can’t be serious.
JEZ’S MUM
I’m very disappointed in you.
JEZ
(flabbergasted)
You’re disappointed? How can you be disappointed? I’ve done something amazing!
JEZ’S MUM
I can’t believe you cooked all of this up with that old woman. You did all of this behind my back. I thought you and me were friends.
JEZ
I did it for us mum.
JEZ’S MUM
I’ve never felt so betrayed. We’re going to put that money straight into my account, if that old witch hasn’t run off with it already, and you’re not getting a sniff of it until you’re sixteen!
JEZ is stunned and hurt. He thinks carefully and a change comes over him. He grows calm once more, though now there’s a cold edge to him.
JEZ
Well Granny can have the money then.
JEZ’S MUM
What?
JEZ
It’s all in her name anyway. If you don’t want a new house, and you don’t want me to have it, if you’re so disappointed in how I’ve turned out...well, she may as well keep it. I’ll go and tell her.
JEZ’S MUM sees her mistake and is eager to backtrack.
JEZ’S MUM
Now hold on a minute, Sweetheart, there’s no need to be like that...I was just surprised, that’s all. We can get a new house if you want to. I was just upset, you know what I get like sometimes...
JEZ is tired and sad.
JEZ
(To himself)
She told me it would be like this.
JEZ’S MUM
What? What do you mean? Who told you?
JEZ
(Tired and upset)
Never mind. I don’t even care about the money. You can have it all, you can do what you want with it. It’s just money.
He opens the back door.
JEZ’S MUM
Jez! Where are you going?
JEZ
To be with my real friend.
JEZ’S MUM
Jez!
The door closes behind him. For a few moments JEZ’S MUM is upset and feels guilty. Then her mood shifts and she is angry at herself.
JEZ’S MUM
(to herself)
Oh! I’m useless!
She bangs a fist down on the tabletop.
CUT TO:
40. EXT. JEZ’S BACK GARDEN - EARLY EVENING.
A dejected JEZ slides over the wall and goes to GRANNY MOMMAN’s back door. He knocks on but nobody comes. He tries to open it but it’s locked. He leans his head against the door, weary of the world. Then he notices an envelope taped to the door. It has his name on it. He opens it, takes out the letter and reads.
GRANNY MOMMAN (V.O.)
I’m sorry, Jez. At my age a few weeks in Florida just won’t be enough. You are young. You can make your million again. For me, well, there’s no more time left. I’m truly sorry. I hope you will be able to understand. This letter is like the small print on a free scratch card. If you read it carefully enough the penny will drop. Love Granny.
JEZ’s mouth drops open, his face grows pale. She has dealt him a devastating blow. As he lowers the letter and staggers away from the door MUSIC begins: the poignant sounds of Suzanne Vega’s, “Cracking”. As he walks woodenly down the path towards us we can see, we can feel, how his world view has cracked and shifted. The MUSIC continues over the following scenes.
FADE TO:
41. EXT. VARIOUS INNER CITY LOCATIONS - EVENING.
JEZ wanders in a daze, the letter held limply at his side, retracing the steps he took at the beginning of the story, along the train tracks, back to the side of the canal that he sat beside. He sits down on the edge in the same place as before. From the opposite side of the canal he looks small and alone. Feeling spaced out and disconnected he looks down and sees the original penny that so mesmerised him, still where it was. He nudges it with fingertips, then picks it up, holds it up and looks at it without expression. Maybe he could start all over again, maybe he doesn’t need to anymore - we have no way of knowing what is going through his mind. SHOT FREEZES there: JEZ looking without expression at the penny. The MUSIC continues over the CREDITS, and the shot very slowly FADES OUT.
THE END
(c) Ian Moore 2009
